The Day He Fell
Darkness, all around me as I crumpled to the floor.
Letting the tears scream from within… for fear, for anger, for love.
The world is still turning but I’m lying on the floor.
Suffocating from uncertainty.
Induced into a coma. Stop his brain from bleeding.
Jaw wired shut. Femur broken. Punctured lung.
Smashed up knee. Incontinence.
And the list goes on…
We were riding a trail we had ridden a thousand times before…
Small town services. He’s flown to the nearest hospital with capabilities.
Weather dictates the one farthest from family support.
I’m travelling Highway 1 amongst the chaos.
Life is surreal. I feel numb.
Us in Mexico pre accident
Moving forward but I’m stuck in a moment.
ICU is where he lay.
They say, “You’ll never walk again.”
I’m told he might not be who he once was.
But I’m still here.
He’s fed through a straw.
Moved by a sling.
He’s mad.
I’m hopefully devastated.
Our funds are dwindling.
GoFundMe takes a bite from my pride.
Shacked up with grandparents.
Looking for a job.
Justin trying to get wheelies dialled, pre-accident
I buy the wrong shoes.
He’s so mean.
We play Scrabble.
I control the wheelchair.
Trust is not in the room.
“It’s time to go home,” he tells me.
I’m hurt.
But I understand.
And so, I go.
Jobs are scarce, our bills are plentiful.
I’m scrubbing toilets, cleaning hospital beds and mopping floors.
I hate this job, the pay minimal.
It feels like I’m helping.
Jasper, his little dachshund, becomes paralysed.
We have to put him down.
Imagine this.
While you too are paralysed.
Is a house without a dog even a home?
Justin and his dog Jasper
Rehabilitation.
I knew he’d prove them wrong.
He walks.
Not as he used to, but he does.
Five months since he flew and now, I drive to bring him home.
I’m nervous.
Stairs in our home are a concern.
His left-hand knocks the frying pan to the floor.
He’s so mad.
Accidents happen, I try, but he’s so mad.
We fight.
He’s sad.
I cry.
He’s moving to his mom’s basement.
All I hear is he loves me no more.
My guy…
We were riding a trail we had ridden a thousand times before.
Did he have a stroke or was speed not his friend?
It’s called hemiplegia.
Touching his left side with love causes him to cringe.
Skin touching skin isn’t as often as it was.
Justin with Steeple Mountains in the background
Feels like we’re disconnected.
But our love for one another has grown exponentially.
His pay cheques had supported us.
He’s back on a plane now, heading north for work.
Is he ready?
Anxiety strikes.
He carries on, self-rehabilitation.
Days go on.
Self-rehabilitation… he has biked, dirt biked, paddled, skied, everything he used to do-to remind his body how to do it.
On the Kootenay River… he likes doing hard, cold adventures to toughen himself up.
He adjusts to a body that doesn’t do what it used to.
Frustrated.
Angry.
Depressed.
We adopt her, Pica, the four-legged girl that helped him stick around.
Justin and his girl Pica
I’m angry… I’m sad.
And I’m thankful all at once.
I’m a misunderstood mess.
We carry on.
I have a constant fear when he recreates.
I hold him back.
Selfish.
His working-man married hand
People ask the details of the day. I reply one too many times.
We move on.
We’re married… we’re in love.
Our skin touches skin again.
And we’ll keep on keepin’ on.
Our wedding night, with our good friend Wil playing. Check him out, he’s incredible!! ibreakstrings.com
But still, I worry, because on that day…
I realised the love of my life can be taken from me at any moment.
I never want to be without…
His squeeze.
His encouraging words.
His tender kisses.
His humour.
His unconditional love.
Humour was slower to come back but when it did… it sure is the key to life.
Accidents happen even to the mighty.
As a team, you can get through anything.
Becoming a team isn’t easy.
We’re stronger than we think but if we never try, we’ll stay weak.
Truly great friends come running even when you don’t ask.
Dirt biking can be scary but it’s a heck of a good time.
True Love is Real.
Us…
Life isn’t always easy but it’s worth the ride.
Take chances; you only live once.
inReach is an essential tool for your pack.
By Jenny Bateman
August 2023
